I am back from my unintentional break! I actually think I just wanted to make sure I was done with everything and although I had time, I just couldn't feel motivated to pull this website up. So here we go, 2 weeks in I took a 2.5-daybreak.
BUT on the plus side, I just finished my first semester of Ph.D.! Okay granted, I still have to submit the paper itself, but I finished it last night and then I added more pizzaz, today! I sent it to a friend to proofread and I will submit the paper hopefully by Tuesday, but essentially I am done and there is no more work left to do! It feels very freeing, but at the same time, I am like what the hell am I going to do with for a month! Yes, you heard that right, I am off for a whole month essentially starting today?
What do I want to do? I feel like I do want to catch up on books, I do not have any DIY project this winter like I’ve two prior winters, so I need to find a project I can do! maybe go thrift furniture shopping and find something to sand down. If I was savvy enough I would make a blanket ladder myself, but frankly, I do not know if I have it in me!
Also always I did reach out to Johnathon to ask what was up, and he basically was like I don't wanna lead you on or anything, but I still don't think we communicate well. Okay first of all, for that we actually need to communicate or he needs to at least try to get to know me? So I said that and he acknowledged it. Anyways so that chapter is also closed, but I am glad I called him out but also trust my gut rather than wasting my own time. And now that I am free, in the next couple of days, I want to make a plan for how I want 2022 to be, but also outline plans for what I can do.
Holidays are a lonely time for me since I am off for so long, but I also do not know what to do and I usually don't think about things like these in advance, so I am going to be alone! I will spend time here and there with friends but you know they have lives too! Also probably the only time in the year that I usually wish I had a partner to spend time with and be cozy.
I am also thinking of whether or not I will reply to Issac, like at all, I told him I’d get back to him when I was done with my semester but I really don't know anymore. Frankly, I do not know what I will say to him. I don't know what I will say will result in anything positive for us or this situation. I want to prioritize myself and I feel like prioritizing myself means permanently distancing myself from him, even if it is not easy, and frankly, I had accepted not having him in my life anymore. and now it’s again like peek-a-boo!
Also, I am on birth control pretty consistently, and recently yesterday and today I have had some spotting, but I have not missed a single day, which is odd. So fingers crossed here, there is nothing with my uterus. Although honestly, all these years of taking birth control something might be. Also, I think I should go get STD tested. The last time I went was in March and maybe it's about time I do again, because frankly who knows how many people Issac has really been sleeping with plus it's just safe sex practices! Gotta be responsible.
