Sometimes I am reluctant to write because I feel very negative about where I am at or the feeling of stuckness overwhelms me. Also, the end of the semester comes with all these other issues sometimes I have a hard time coping with. I am not often one that gets overwhelmed, so when I do, we know that it's bad. I just let myself be though because trying to fight it only makes it worse.
I also feel very resigned with dating, it might regain itself once I'm done with finals and work stress. I am still stuck in that cycle though, however in a different way than I’ve been in it. Which I choose to think is a positive.
It was also my parent's wedding anniversary a couple of weeks ago and take made me spiral down into thinking about what ideal relationships are, and versus what I thought them to be. Also how every relationship has flaws but it's how we choose to work on them, that is what differentiates a good from a bad relationship, or even a toxic one. While also recognizing that some relationships are just toxic and it's just better to walk away. I am not saying I have the answers, but I just realized that I like everyone else idolized my parents' relationship, but now having grown up, I see it differently than how I used to. sometimes ignorance is bliss, but in this case, it's better to know, because who I am in relationships is in many ways a reflection of what I saw growing up. Not a lot of us make that connection, even though it is right in front of us, but it is true, and I hope to learn from it and to recognize what my shortcomings are here.
Side note: 4 more weeks until I am done with this year! I also need to still find a job for this summer so there is that one the horizon too!
