That title is quite a mouthful! I feel like I have already expressed this multiple times in the past couple of days, but I really am so surprised by how this year ended up being. Upon initial glance, I feel like I haven't done enough this entire year but then when I sit down and start listing things, I realize how much I was able to accomplish this year. Sure I did not achieve all my goals or everything I set out to do, but I did do some major things.
This same time last year, I was in a bad mental state, feeling physically and emotionally unhealthy. I was reluctant about going back to therapy because my last therapist had kind of scarred me from the experience. I get that it is transactional to a degree, however, her apathy towards me and my problems discouraged me. Fast forward to this year, I have been consistently seeing my therapist for almost 10 months now. These past 10ish months have been very grueling and frankly taxing, only because I feel like I've been able to unlock so many things about myself. My strength, my weaknesses, who I am, who I want to be, where I see myself in the future, How I am in relationships, why I am that way in them, and how regardless of it all, learning how to be more compassionate towards myself.
I will say that I don't have it all figured out yet and I still have the tendency to be less compassionate with myself as compared to others, I am working on it. I also re-discovered how to set healthy boundaries, and I will be the first to admit that I did struggle with that, however, I was much quicker to realize when I was not respecting my own boundary much quicker than I would have in the past. The moral of the story is, I may still stumble a little and make mistakes, but I am starting to trust that at the end of the day, I will choose to do what is best for me. The guilt of hurting others still haunts me most days but prioritizing myself, my needs, and my wants are some things I am going to carry with me to 2022.
Also, I am physically not where I want to be, but I am devoting myself to consistency and persevering through. Today was day 3 of 75 days of consistently being healthy. I still have to work on cutting out some things but it's a good start.
Today is December 3, and I have 3 presentations and 2 papers left to do. this is my todo
- My first presentation won’t take me long so I am putting it off until Sunday or possibly Monday morning.
- My presentation for Tuesday is going to be tough, but the actual paper is due on December 15th, so I really just need a solid analysis and a little bit of methodology and literature ideas. Will do the bulk of the analysis work Sunday/Monday. I will work on the presentation Tuesday morning.
- My paper and presentation are both due on Wednesday, so I will be spending the bulk of today, tomorrow, working on that. I am aim is to finish it by tomorrow night, so that on Wednesday I will work on formatting it and citations.
I really need all the concentration and focus I can gather! Stay tuned for the progress.
Be kind to yourself!
